Lord of the Cookies
by Ela Dis-Enchanted
Summary: A paper I wrote for school. It's about Frodoreo and the Giant Glass of Milk of Doom!


The Lord of the Cookies 

*A/N* This is a stupid little thing I had to write for school. We were studying chocolate and we had to write a story about cookies. I, like two other people in my class, ripped off Tolkien's work due to lack of inspiration. I know it's kinda…weird…but I swear it gets a bit funnier at the end! I even got an A on it! Oh yeah, disclaimer: blah blah blah…Tolkien owns some of the ideas…Let's get on with this, shall we?

* * * * *

Not quite so long ago, in a kitchen not too far away there were two cookie friends by the names of Frodoreo and Chippin. Frodoreo as you may have guessed was an Oreo and Chippin was a Chips Ahoy chocolate chip cookie. They resided in the aptly named village of Cookieton, which was inhabited by cookies. Cookieton was located in a beautiful land called Pantry. Frodoreo and Chippin lived peaceful, ordinary little cookie lives until that one fateful day…

The occupants of Cookieton were being kidnapped, one by one! It started gradually but more and more cookies were disappearing by the minute. There were a lot of rumors flying around about what was going on. Frodoreo and Chippin knew the _real_ story though. Their friend's second cousin's sister-in-law's mom's best friend's stepsister's hairdresser's daughter actually _saw_ what happened. Apparently the stolen cookies were being taken away to a Giant Glass of Milk of Doom and being dunked and eaten! This alleged Giant Glass of Milk of Doom was named after it's supposed discoverer, Johnny Giant Glass of Milk of Doom. When Frodoreo and Chippin heard the story, they were both horrified and furious. They wouldn't take a crime so vile, so evil, and so incredibly corny and stupid as this lying down! So they stood up. Oh yeah, and they also decided to go on a quest to find this Giant Glass of Milk of Doom, and put a stop to the disappearances.

Chippin went over to Frodoreo's house, Ziploc-Bag End, that night to prepare for the journey. They planned their route out of the land of Pantry, yet the world beyond its borders was a total mystery to the two young cookies. They speculated about what they would find there.

"Maybe it's a huge world inhabited by giants! And maybe there are big, cubical, shiny, white mountains all around it!" exclaimed Chippin. Frodoreo laughed.

"Sure, Chippin. _Sure_…"

After that they did facials, painted their toenails, and played truth-or-dare, but _that's_ another story.

* * * * *

The next morning, they set out on their journey. For hours they trekked through Pantry, scrambling over spices and clamoring over cans. Finally, after a long, tiresome hike, they reached the giant wooden monolith that lay on the border of Pantry. The door. Being cookies, they easily slid under the gap beneath the door, Frodoreo however having a little more trouble because, being an Oreo, he was slightly thicker than Chippin. They pulled themselves up off the floor and brushed away their loose crumbs. When they caught sight of the terrain that lay ahead of them, they gasped.

Chippin was right. Tall, cubical, shiny, white mountains rose up around them. The ground was covered in shimmering blue linoleum. In the distance, they could see a wooden cliff topped by a white marble slab. It was wonderful. It was spectacular. It was indescribably beautiful. After staring at the kitchen in awe for several minutes, the cookies came to their senses and realized once more that they were on a journey. Duh.

Chippin looked up towards the wooden cliff.

"Frodoreo?" he asked his friend. "How are we supposed to find the Giant Glass of Milk of Doom if we can't even see the tops of these odd structures?"

"I'm not sure," replied Frodoreo. "I guess we'll just have to wing it."

"Um, one more question."

"Yes, Chippin?"

"If we're cookies, how are we talking?"

"No idea."

Chippin nodded and fell into step with his friend as they started across the sparkling blue plain.

* * * * *

They eventually arrived at the foot of the wooden cliff. They slowly began to scale the face of the large cabinet on the left, their tiny cookie fingers gripping the wood grain. Occasionally, they would rest on the top of a drawer and catch their breath, but not for too long. As they were pulling themselves up to one of the metal handles jutting out of the wood, Chippin lost his balance! If Frodoreo hadn't leaned towards Chippin, just in time, allowing him to grab hold of one of his deeply embossed chocolate sides, Chippin would have fallen 20 inches to his doom. Frodoreo's friend lost a few crumbs and a couple of chocolate chips, but he had survived. _That_ was close.

After what seemed like an eternity of climbing, they reached the marble top of the cliff. It was clean and shiny, but totally barren. Up ahead, Frodoreo and Chippin saw a giant silver basin, filled with dirty dishes. Above it, there was a massive window draped with light blue curtains. Behind the window they could see the sun sinking below the horizon. It was late. They would soon have to find a place to stay for the night.

Frodoreo looked over the edge of the counter. The floor looked a lot different from high above. He could make out a pattern of alternating dark and light blue squares. He also saw little dots moving around below him. He nudged Chippin.

"Hey Chippin," he chuckled. "Those dots look an awful lot like ants from this high up."

"Frodoreo, those _are_ ants!" Chippin screamed. "They're going to attack us!"

And sure enough, drawn by Chippin's strong bakery-fresh scent, the ants were crawling up the wood of the counter at a remarkable speed.

"We have to hide!" yelled Frodoreo.

Chippin bounded after his friend towards the windowsill. They both hopped up onto the cheap white plastic, ducking out of sight behind a small aloe plant, just as the first ants reached the top of the counter. They looked around, confused. The cookies, their food, were gone. Actually, they were hiding behind a potted plant, but the ants didn't need to know that.

The chief ant sighed a little anty sigh, and told his troops (in Antanese of course) to retreat. Frodoreo and Chippin silently high fived each other when they saw the ants backing away. Unfortunately, the high five was a bit too hard and a crumb broke off of Frodoreo's hand. It was a tiny, microscopic, almost invisible particle of chocolate, yes, but the ants saw it all the same. They watched it fall to the white marble in slow motion. That's precisely the moment that everything hit the oscillating device for circulating air.

The ants charged towards the window, two by two, except for a little one in the back that called out: "Hey, wait up! I'm trying to tie my shoe back here!" Frodoreo and Chippin panicked. The ants were stampeding in their direction, from both sides of the sink, and they would reach the window at any moment. There was only one place to go: down. Down into the stainless steel kitchen sink. Frodoreo grabbed Chippin and hurled himself and his friend into the gigantic basin. They rolled down the sides, Chippin trailing behind a little bit because his uneven round shape slowed him. They both reached the bottom and hopped into the drain. The ants peered over the edge of the sink only to find their food gone again. Tough luck, little guys.

The cookies decided to spend the night in the drain. They were both weary from their day's journey and they wanted to wait for the ants to leave so they could continue on safely. They were both already asleep when the tiny ants shuffled away, two by two. Hurrah. Hurrah…

* * * * *

The next morning, Frodoreo and Chippin woke up bright and early. Frodoreo peeked out of the drain to make sure the coast was clear. Thankfully, it was, though more dirty dishes had been added to the sink. The cookies crawled out of the drain and climbed back onto the counter…

And there it was. The Giant Glass of Milk of Doom. It hadn't been there yesterday. Some evil magic must have put it there while the companions were sleeping. Frodoreo and Chippin stared at it in awe and moved in for a closer look. They had barely just taken two steps when a booming voice called out…

"HALT!"

"Who was that?" Frodoreo asked everyone in the general area, specifically the booming voice.

"I-I-I dun-dunno," stuttered Chippin, shaken by the outburst.

"It was I," said the voice. And suddenly a beam of sunlight illuminated a thin rectangular box against the wall, almost as if a special effects artist had _intended_ it to do so…

"And you are…?" asked Frodoreo, blankly.

"Sarandalf," said the box, somehow sliding towards the cookies as if it were gliding on ice.

"Why are you here Sarandalf?" Chippin started, gulped, and added, "Sir?"

"To warn your friend here, Frodoreo, to stay away from the Giant Glass of Milk of Doom," he replied.

"I would ask you how you knew my name, and how you can talk without a mouth, and why this glass of milk appeared out of nowhere, but to save time I'll only ask you why I should stay away from it," said Frodoreo, all in one breath.

"Because, Frodoreo," said Sarandalf, "you are the one Oreo. One Oreo to rule them all, one Oreo to find them, one Oreo to bring them all, and in the pantry bind them."

"And that means…?" asked Frodoreo.

"It means you can't be eaten or else all of Cookie kind will be doomed forever."

"Why will they be doomed forever? And why do _you_ care?" asked Frodoreo, suspiciously.

"You ask too much," said Sarandalf, and Frodoreo promptly fell quiet.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a great booming noise echoed throughout the kitchen. A giant boy was rapidly moving toward the counter. The cookies screamed, but it was too late. Eight-year-old Bobby Jones grabbed each of them in his hands and dunked them into the Giant Glass of Milk of Doom. He savored the flavor of poor Chippin's chocolate chips and light sugary taste. Then he twisted Frodoreo apart, licked out his creamy, sweet filling, and chomped on the thin crumbly chocolate wafers that were once Frodoreo.

* * * * *

And here, our story ends. Sarandalf was right. After Frodoreo was eaten, all cookies were doomed to be silent, immobile, inanimate food products for all eternity. And some say, that if you sit in your kitchen late at night, and listen to the wind whistling and the crickets chirping, you can still hear Sarandalf yelling, "_I told you so…I told you so…_"


End file.
